


through the dark.

by StHarold



Category: One Direction
Genre: 1d, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5734330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StHarold/pseuds/StHarold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>that's just my thoughts on what they might or might not be feeling right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	through the dark.

Louis is tired. Of everything really. It feels like it’s been years since he could rest. He hates airports, he hates sleepless nights, he hates jetlag, he hates waking up in the different parts of the world every day or two. He hates all the things he used to enjoy when shared with the person he loves. The person he hasn’t seen for 3 months. This honestly breaks his heart every second of every day, lately every night too.  
Louis’ having a hard time believing their 4th anniversary as a couple is coming so soon, but they still can’t be celebrating it together in the open. When they were told about the restrictions for the first time, H laughed it off. “Come on Suey, we can handle that.” – A reassuring smile, one of those you’re all familiar with. Louis thought so too. They just couldn’t think differently, “young, wild and free” or so they say. They thought they’d conquer everything. Oh, this teenage idealism.  
The facetime calls and text messages don’t make any difference at all. It’d be better off without this way of staying in touch, Louis even thinks. Because every time he sees H face on the screen, he has to fight back the urge to smash the phone against the wall. The unbelievable need to just be able to touch his love’s face, the need that can’t be fulfilled is driving him mad, to the extent where he would choose not to have any conversation at all.  
He just doesn’t know what is happening in his life anymore. The realest relationship of his life gets claimed to be a joke. He deliberately lets the press and the fans bullshit him and his friends, his family on all social media platforms possible, the reason being the absolute lack of willingness. Willingness to fight, willingness to argue, willingness to exist, whatever. These times he mostly feels either powerless or wasted. He doesn’t even know anymore if there is a reason to go on. Some days he almost feels like calling and saying “Enough. We just can’t go on like this. It’s all too much.” But deep down he realizes he would never do that to Harry, his Harry. Never in a lifetime. In fact, Louis has quite an idea about what all this mess is like for Harry to deal with. This has been weighing him down ten times as much; Harry just chose to never show it. One of them has to stay positive about the situation because that’s how they are still going strong as ever. Well, almost. And watching H trying so hard to keep it together is something to break Louis’ heart even more.  
Harry falling in love with him has always felt like winning a lottery. Louis has since been wondering what he did to deserve Harry. The Curly deserves so much more than a whiney boy whose only solution to any problem is to get wasted.  
Lately he’s been losing his sleep over one thought that doesn’t seem to be going away: “What if Harry thinks the same?” Indeed, what if Harry considers wrapping their relationship? Because Louis knows that the moment Harry gives up on them, Louis gives up on everything. This is something going without saying. He almost needs Harry to make him believe in them again. Louis would call right now but there are at least two things stopping him. One, he’s drunk and doesn’t want to disappoint H, and two – H is most likely to be sleeping. Time zones are awful.  
In addition, Louis is not ready to have a talk about his feelings. He doesn’t want H to be overwhelmed with his negative thinking. He would pretty much disappoint Harry by his late night (early morning?) rambling. However, the main reason is fear. Louis is so afraid of hearing him say, “I thought about this, too”.  
He doesn’t want to even begin to think how their hypothetical break up would influence the band. Damn it, he’s now starting to get this strange feeling right in his chest. It’s always made him wonder how emotions he had made him feel physical pain.  
Louis is so tired. Of constantly feeling alone being surrounded by dozens of people. Of not being able to kiss his loved one in the end of the day, of having little secret conversations. As romantic as it sounds, it does harm your soul, and you are starting to get used to this feeling of emptiness. Imagine hugging your sweetheart once in 3 months being legit the only reason for you to feel happiness slowly making its way back to your heart. You wouldn’t wanna feel that kind of happiness.  
Lying on some fancy couch in some fancy hotel room and scrolling through his phone’s camera roll – that’s what Louis left with for now. Even all these pictures of them nobody knows of can’t make him smile; though they usually never fail to. It feels like Louis just hit rock bottom. Drinking the most expensive whiskey right from the bottle, he hears his own heartbeat, closes his eyes and quite expectedly sees H’s face. It’s getting annoying, he thinks to himself. He wants to get distracted.  
Suddenly he remembers he’s done a lot of recordings during the last 4 months, kind of voice memos to himself, with some lyrics and tunes just to listen to later and maybe collect some song ideas. That’s something Harry always does and Lou picked up on it as well. So he decides now is the time. “Write drunk, edit sober”, or so they say. “Well, I got it the other way around again.” Lou chuckles to himself. Therefore, he opens the Voice Memo app. There is something catching his attention almost immediately. Some recordings he certainly didn’t make. The first thought that traces his mind is that somebody took his phone, and this IS something to panic about. 5 minutes of intense drunken thoughts pass before he decides to hit “play”.  
_“Hi Lou. I hope you’re okay at the moment. You just went to the shower, and, uh, this is my little message to you. You’re are leavin today, so it would be great if you hurried the fuck up, will ya? You’ll either miss your flight or… You know we don’t have that much time to spend together. It might be strange listening to me rambling about stuff like this, I never do. But knowing that I don’t get to fall asleep beside you tonight doesn’t really leave me a choice. Hey Lou… I want you to remember that I’ll always be here for you. No matter what, I… I promise you we’ll get through this... Ok now I’m kinda feeling strange and I probably shouldn’t have told all this. It’s a mess, innit.. But it just felt like the right thing to do, you know. Anyway… hang in there sweet cheeks. We’ll be just alright. I love you.”_   
Hearing H calling him “sweet cheeks” - just like good old times - makes Lou lose it completely. No, Harry is something else… just as if he knew back then what was happening in Louis’ head, what he was worried about. Harry’s always been like that, he knows people too well. He knows Lou better than anyone does.  
Lou is overwhelmed with so much feelings, all at once. Hearing H’s voice somehow makes Louis homesick. Probably because Harry is his home.  
First thought – best thought. He picks up his phone, dials a number  
\- Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta Airport, my name is Jess, how can I help you?  
\- I’d like to book a flight to London.  
\- The last flight for today departs in an hour, but you can as well consider…  
\- Never mind, I’ll take that. Will you please hold the ticket?  
\- Yes, but I need your credit card information…  
Having provided all the info needed, Louis started shoving his things in his backpack. Stormed into the bathroom to wash his face with water colder than the Atlantic. He quickly changed clothes, and not wasting any time calling his security guard, Louis left the room.  
Suddenly he felt sober and so full of life. It’s just he knew, for the first time in a few months, he knew _he was coming right back home_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Larry-related fanfiction, and this also happens to be my first work written in English. So you're more than welcome to point out any mistakes I have probably made.


End file.
